


Leave me

by TurtleGalaxy



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Angst, Cheating, F/M, M/M, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:16:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23033089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TurtleGalaxy/pseuds/TurtleGalaxy
Summary: The grey seeped into his usually forest green eyes, it hung in his lungs, making every useless breath a struggle. He just wants to stop. He wants to stop breathing, stop fighting, just stop living.They began to take notice, he knew that. Their usual comments have become hollow, the cut in their voices that he never minded has gone soft. They spoke to him as if he was a house of cards, the smallest breath could sent him crashing, tumbling to the floor in a broken mess.
Relationships: Brian Hanby & Daithi De Nogla, Evan Fong/Jonathan | H2ODelirious, Evan Fong/Tyler | I AM WILDCAT, Jaclyn Fairchild/Daithi De Nogla
Comments: 5
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

I stretched in my car, my spine giving multiple audible creaks and cracks at the release of pressure. I had been stuck in the same position for pretty much 7 hours between the plane ride and the car trip. The sun had yet to peek over the hill and the darkness of early morning still settled along the entire street. The only visible lights being the ones lining the road, shining their unnatural light onto the dark pavement. I exited the car, grabbing my suitcases out of the trunk. I fumbled with my keys and stuck them into the lock with exhausted hands.

_'I can't wait to climb into my warm bed with Jaclyn, it's been 2 weeks since the last time I saw her.'_

I walked into the livingroom and set my suitcases on the floor. I scowled at the unattractive beige walls in the early morning light. I walked down the narrow hallway towards our shared bedroom, passing by my office space on the way. I slowly open the heavy door and walk into the dim room. I sat down on my side of the bed and a warm lump under me caused me to jump up with an audible "Oi!" The tall figure arose from the mess of blankets, the commotion awoke Jaclyn. 

In front of me stood a man, completely naked. 

"Jaclyn?" I choked out. 

_'No. How could you?'_

"What the fuck man?" The man growled out, his icy blue eyes cut daggers in my soul. I glared back. 

"David, i-it's... I'm... I don't... I'm so sorry." Jaclyn struggled out and tears fell down her cheeks. 

"Wait, Jace. Is this your boyfriend?" The man asked in disbelief. "You had a boyfriend all this time?"

_'All this time? How long have you been doing this?'_

I could feel the feelings boil over me, hot and salty tears burst from my eyes. My right hand moved and I wiped the majority of them on my sleeve. Jaclyn looked at me, I saw the tears, I saw her shaking. I didn't believe a second of it. There was no sadness in her eyes, anything she said had no emotional connection. 

"David, please forgive me." She pleaded while looking into my eyes. "Please."

_''David, please take me back' was what she meant. How can I forgive you for this? I loved you and you just... Do THIS.'_

I continued staring at her, through her even. The naked man had put on his boxers, covering his manhood. I said nothing, all the words that I think stay within the confines of my mind. 

"No." This was the only thing I said before she was up and beginning to pack her things. She went to the drawer and placed all her knickknacks onto the bed, went to the closet and put all her clothes next to the objects. She then left the room and came back minutes later, arms cradling every picture we had ever taken together. Within the next few hours they were gone. The entire time, Jaclyn would send broken-hearted faces towards me.

_'You cheated on me, what do you have to feel broke for?'_ All my anger climbed and clawed through my chest, burning my lungs with the dry Californian air. My heart beat in an unsteady rhythm, I could hear the uncomfortable thumps in my eardrums. The sun was now hanging in the sky, casting bright oranges and purples through the waking city. During this all, I just watched hopelessly as my ex-girlfriend and her lover gathered their shit and left me by myself. I even watched as they pulled off, Jaclyn sitting in the passenger seat of the dark truck. They held hands within the tinted windows and shared a small smile. I walked back inside. Despite my obvious exhaustion, my mind raced through thoughts. Yet, no words were said aloud. 

_'Why? Why would you do this? How could you do this? I gave you so much love, every part of my being loved everything about you. Who even was that guy? What was so great about him that I didn't have?_

_What about me wasn't good enough for you?'_


	2. Chapter 2

I lay still in my cold bed, counting my breaths. Each one is harder than the last, my lungs felt constricted. I hadn't slept, my body begged me for rest, but sleep never came. I forced myself out of bed and went to the kitchen, I scooped some food for Joe and Tony and stared out the small window. The grey was growing, infecting my lungs with heavy concrete, filling my windpipe with cement, suffocating me. I shuffled back towards my room when my phones obnoxious ringer sounded from within my pocket.

"Hey Nogla!" Brian beamed through the call. "Are you ready to get back into the swing of things?" He asked, obviously excited to be back home playing games.

"Hi." I replied weakly. I kicked myself.

_'I'm so fucking stupid, he's gonna notice that I'm acting different.'_ In that moment I made a promise to myself to not tell any of my friends. ' _They don't need the details of my miserable life bogging them down'_ I frowned at myself. _'Why am I like this? Where did this come from? Before I felt like I could tell them anything, now here I am, swearing to never tell a soul.'_ Brian pulled me from my thoughts, he questioned if I was okay. The concern lacing with his voice thickened the Irish accent. 

"Nogla?"

"I'm fine Brian, still just a little sleepy I suppose." I brushed it off, even cracked a small joke his way, trying to convince him that I was okay. He then invited me to play, so we ended the call and I hopped onto my computer. I loaded up Gmod and picked to be on Evans Prop Hunt team. I slowly joined the Discord call, hearing Evan, Tyler, Brock and Brian talk about random things. 

"Took ya fuckin long enough." Tyler stated, directing the statement at me. I chuckled nervously, and put on my best happy personality. I told a dry joke and they laughed, we picked a map and started playing. 

"You better not lead hi- NOGLA!!!!" Tyler screamed at me as I ran toward him as a cup. Brian was hot on my tail and he shot a nuke at the perfect time to kill me and Tyler from his secret hiding spot. Brock giggled and Brian boasted about how good he was. Tyler was seething, I could imagine how red his face was. With the games that followed, I kept messing up, making dumb mistakes, getting my teammates killed, even Evan was getting a bit annoyed at this point. 

"Are you gonna play anytime soon?" He said sarcastically, I replied with a playful 'Nope' and tried not to let them see the hurt. Every word they spoke stabbed into me, no matter what I did I always fucked up, I was never good enough. We decided to end it after Tyler had had enough and yelled that he was gonna kill me himself next time he saw me. 

_'Do you mean that? Do you hate me that much?'_ Tears formed in my eyes and I did my best to force them away. I sat in my chair, for an hour after we had all said our goodbyes, hot tears stayed in my eyes. None of them had succumed to gravity and rolled down my face. I got up and made my way towards the kitchen again. I fixed the food for my dogs and refilled their water bowl when Marcel sent me a text. 

Marcel- hey dumbass we had plans to play Minecraft today remember? 

You- Yea. Sorry forgot. Be right there. 

I went back to my office and booted up Minecraft. Usually this game is soothing, but I knew this recording wouldn't be calm like usual. I joined the second Discord chat of the day and was greeted by Marcel and Scotty. The three of us got up to some shenanigans and Scott even found a new species within the game, after dying to it.... Twice. 

"Ha! Take that you little fucker! " He shouted in victory as he killed the small enemy. Marcel laughed harder the more angry Scott got and I joined in, feigning my signature laugh. Shortly after, we all said our goodbyes and goodnight. I sat in my cold chair, staring blankly at the 6 and 1/2 hours of footage. I glanced at the time, 11:47. I let out an exasperated sigh. I pulled another all-nighter without leaving my office, my body cried out in complaint at the terrible treatment. I hadn't eaten in almost 60 hours, I haven't slept in 2 days. I struggled through that day, then the next day, then another. Before I knew it, a month had gone by. The grey seeped into my usually forest green eyes, it hung in my lungs, making every useless breath a struggle. I just want it to stop. I want to stop breathing, stop fighting, just stop living.

They began to take notice, I knew that. Their usual comments have become hollow, the cut in their voices that I never minded before has gone soft. They spoke to me as if I'm a house of cards, the smallest breath could sent me crashing, tumbling to the floor in a broken mess.

_'Why are you guys so worried about me? I don't deserve it.'_


	3. Love me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry readers.   
> I didn't have the energy or time to keep writing this story, but my school just got shut down for 2 weeks because of Corona Virus.   
> Soooo. I'm gonna be writing a lot for this story because I no longer have any more excuses. I finally got enough drive to continue writing and the comments really helped a lot. Thank you guys so much!!  
> Now back to Nogla being a sad little tater tot boi.   
> (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

Brian's P.O.V (Point of View if you didn't know) 

I sat in my work chair, my shaky hand gripping my mouse. I didn't care if I broke it, something was wrong. Evan and a few others in the call were conversing about it, trying to make sense of what has been happening. 

"He's just so fucking quiet all the time" Tyler was grumbling, he seemed angry but if you knew him long enough you could tell he was just concerned for a friend. 

"I'm genuinely scared for him, guys. What if he tries to do something? What do we do?"

My breath caught in my throat, that one little thought. I wracked my brain, analyzing every interaction we had ever had. The day we met, he was nervous and acted like a total goofball. And he acted the same every time after that, he acted like Nogla.

_'What happened? When did it change? How long has he been hiding from us successfully? What would be te best way to help him? Should we call a service and have them talk to him? No, he wouldn't take that well. Should we go over ta his house and talk with him about it directly? That doesn't seem right either. Should we-'_

Everyone is silent.

Nobody speaks. This is when I noticed my trembling had worsened, tears flowed down my face openly, I was sobbing. I wiped at my face, the wetness soaking into my sleeve. 

"Brian." Brock choked out. 

"I know." My voice was so small, I had never sounded so defeated before, so broken. I sniffled, hearing sounds from Marcel's and, surprisingly, Evan's directions.

_'He was always so cool in every situation, always levelheaded. Of course he was an immature asshole, but he was so patient and understanding in everything.'_

I soaked in the sounds of weeping and the unnatural silence.

'We miss him. _If he were here right now, he would have done or said something to cheer us up. That was the beauty of David, the gorgeous soul. We did nothing but poke fun at him, call him names. Did we have a hand in this?'_

I backed out of the discord call. Ignoring when Tyler and Scotty were trying to call me back in. I searched for his name, I was beginning to hyperventilate. I found his name and clicked it. The sound surrounded me in my room, burrowing into my brain. 

**Calling Daithi De Nogla . . .**

I sat, holding my breath. After the 4th ring, I was gonna hang up, but, his voice interrupted the annoyingly high pitched ringtone. 

"Brine?" He sounded exhausted, like he hadn't slept. I sniffled. "Brine, what's wrong?" 

"No Nogla, what's wrong wit ya?" I cried out. "N-no, not what's wrong wit ya. There's nothing wrong wit ya. It's what's happening wit ya. You've been acting different, and we have all noticed. Evan, Tyler, Marcel, Scotty, Brock, we're all worried about you. I've been having fans in my comments asking what's been going on with you. You have so many people worried. David, I'm worried." Tears continued to flow out of my eyes, following the older trails left from the earlier tears. 

"I-" he starts. 

"What can we do to help you? Please, it's killing me to see you like this. I'm letting you know right now that you don't have to pretend anymore. We can get you help." I looked up at my computer screen, imagining his face on the grey background. 

"Brian." He says tensly, fully sounding out my name. "I. Don't. Need. Help." 

**Daithi De Nogla has left the call**

Nogla's P.O.V

_'What the fuck are you doing?!'_ Was all I could think, I was closing Discord and shutting down my computer. 

_'He was just trying to help me. And, I do need help, why didn't I say so? I just pushed him away, what kind of friend does that? That was so terrible, he must be so angry at me. Why do I have to be like this? I'm so fucking stupid!'_

I sat on my bedroom floor, wallowing in my self pity. I went over the conversation multiple times, tearing myself down after every time. I dragged myself to my bed, not bothering to take off my clothes. I curled in on myself, hugging my cold pillow. I cried. I cried for hours until the weight of my tear-soaked pillow brought me into restless oblivion. 

_'What do I do now? I've pushed away the person trying to help me and I've just been a disgusting, horrible human being._

_Maybe Jaclyn was right to leave, I'm really not worth of anyone, am I?'_


	4. Chapter 4

I slowly raised my heavy head from the pillow, the tear tracks stuck stubbornly to my face. I tugged the covers off, my legs slightly sweaty from the prolonged heat. I arose from my bed, shuffling across the extremely messy room towards the bathroom. The bathroom door was opened with a loud creak and I stood in front of the toilet. I relieved my bladder, flushed and turned to the sink to wash my hands. I stared at my reflection, my hands still dripping from the water. I noticed the dark circles etched in my skull around my eyes. My skin was deathly shade of white, my sheets hollowed from malnourishment. I looked dead, my light blue veins fading into my neck. 

I jumped from a sudden string of knocks on my front door. I cursed, people really shouldn't see me like this. I slowly snuck to my door, hoping if I took long enough the person would just leave. I got closer and once again jumped as more knocks echoed through the empty rooms. I heard murmurs outside and saw more than one figure through my window curtains.

I unlocked the dark, wooden door and immediately a hush fell over the group. I creaked open the door, ignoring the gasps and was met, face to face with Brian's bright blue eyes. They were wide, jumping around my body, taking in all the damage that I had done to myself. My heart fell to my feet, a feeling of total emptiness and guilt flooded my entire being. He let his luggage go from his hand, causing it to tumble off the stairs and threw his arms around my shoulders. He gripped my shirt, tears soaking into my sleeve. I looked over him to see Evan, Tyler and Lui staring at me with a look that I have never seen on their faces before. I hate it. Brian grips me harsher, pulling away but keeping his grip on my shirt. He stared into my eyes, his tears still flowing from his eyes, I remain still. 

"David." He choked out. He hiccups, sniffles and unmatched one of his hands tolead, his face. "What is happening to you?" His desperation flowed down his face once again, the others of the group followed his lead, openly weeping on my front porch. I took a single step away. 

"No, y-you don't get to fucking do this right now David!" Brian cried into my face. He pulled me back the space with my shirt. "You are gonna come clean and let me- let us- help you get through this."

"Brine, I-"

"No, don't 'Brine' me! Something is very wrong, have you looked at yourself David?" He interrupts me. 

"How about we all come inside and you tell us all what happened and what's going on with you right now?" Evan speaks lightly, Marcel and Craig nod from behind him. 

' _They all came here for me. Everyone is worrying about me. Everyone.'_

Brian hesitated, let go of my shirt and smoothed the wrinkles he had made. I backed away, opening the door further. They all entered my home, one-by-one, Joe and Tony were going insane at the new visitors. They all dropped their suitcases and sat on the couches, Brian was the last to enter and watched all of my movements intently. I push the door closed and Lui pats an empty spot next to him in an offer. I stand by the door, feeling all of their intense gazes on me. Brock softens his features after noticing how uncomfortable I am. I slowly walk over to Lui, taking up with his offer and taking a seat beside him. 

We all sit in silence for quite a few long moments. The pressure of their judging glances never let up, panic was rising within me. 

"I can't take this fucking bullshit anymore. Nogla, just spill, please!" Tyler pleaded. 

I lowered my head, all the words and my forgotten feelings crashed down on me, clogging my windpipe and making it impossible to breathe. I open my mouth, nothing but air escapes as I fail to answer. 

Criag stands. "Maybe it's too much to explain everything right at this moment."

"How about we start with something easy to answer?" Marcel asks in a tone of voice I have never heard from him before. 

"How many hours of sleep did you get last night?" Evan asks towards me. I distinctly remember my clock reading specific times when I get the sleep and when I woke up. I remember getting to sleep as orange streaks streamed into my bedroom and I checked my phone for the time. 

**10:21**

They all arrived about an hour ago. 

_'I don't want to do math right now.'_

"About 3 and a half hours." 

"Okay, my turn for a question. Where's Jaclyn and why isn't she helping you with this?"

The name stabbed into my soul and twisted. I felt an unexpected tidal wave of emotions flow through me and dribble out my eyes. Tyler watched my reaction to his question and cringed at how he hurt me. 

"S-she..."

"No, Nogla. You don't have explain, she's not here for you and I don't fucking care whatever retarded reason she came up with." He boiled with anger, I saw Brian tense his hands in my peripheral vision. 

"She cheated on me. T-there was no reason or explanation to def-fend herself with."

All of my friends lowered their heads, understanding and more questions filling all of their heads. 

"Show we call someone to get you help? Or should we be really worried and put you on watch?" Brian deadpanned to me, his terse words both working for him and against him. He was using his serious voice, Scotty and Lui genuinly surprised by the fowardness of the question. Lui, also holding fear in his mocha eyes. 

"Watch for what?" He asked, his eyebrows raised in worry as he faced me. 

"Suicide watch."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support so far!! The kudos are mush appreciated and you are all very lovely people. Leave something in the comments for me if ya want! I encourage it!!!(づ￣ ³￣)づ


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did a bad. But I'm making it up to you guys with this and the next chapters! I promise that I will update more frequently, even if this story isn't very popular, there has to be at least 1 person who looks forward to its next update! I won't let you down random person!!

**Daithi's P.O.V**

I watched Brock move quickly around the kitchen, taking out ingredients and pans to cook lunch with. He glided around on the cold, tile floor, graceful and cautious. I cut up a chicken breast and plopped it into a well oiled pan, while waiting for that to heat up he turned to me. 

"How are you feeling so far today, Nogla?" He gave me a look that only Brock could give. He raised his eyebrows and slouched his shoulders, trying to look non threatening so I felt more comfortable telling the truth. But, in his eyes I saw a completely different story. I could see the frustration lingering deep within him. He's frustrated that I don't always tell the truth about how I feel, he's frustrated that none of our other friends were able to stay longer. Of course Brian didn't leave, so its just the three of us. 

"Today's been a good day, Brock." He took my bony fingers into his warm hands and pulled me into a hug. He rubbed his hands up and down my back, pausing a bit when he felt the bones of my spinal chord sticking out, I cringe. He never liked how much weight I was losing and he was always trying to help me gain the weight back. 

"It's okay to have feelings, Nogla. It's honestly okay." I nodded, but Brock can sniff out my bullshit almost as well as Brian can. "If I admitted to being sad would you try to cheer me up? Do you like it when I'm sad?" I shook my head 'no'. "Do you like seeing Brian sad?"

"Of course not!"

"Then why do you think we wouldn't do the same? If it was any of our friends you would be there in a heartbeat, so let me and Brian help you. Please. You want and need help, but you're holding back and I don't know why. Explain it to me, David, please." 

The sound of keys turning in the door drew our attention to Brian. He stepped into the house, holding all of the plastic bags of groceries, which he promptly abandoned on the hardwood floor. He rushed over the stove, cursing. 

"Brock! Holy shit you're gonna burn down the whole block!" He turned the stove-top nob down to zero and discarded the blackened chicken into the bin. Brock an I both looked on in surprise. 

"I totally forgot what I was doing. I'm so sorry." Brian let out a huff and walked over to the scattered food items on the floor. Brock follwed after him closely, picking up a couple bags. I retrieved a few and began putting food where it goes. Eggs in the fridge, peanut butter in the cupboard, I dumped the bag of apples into a large fruit holder on the counter. 

After we finished putting away all of the food, Brock took my hand and led me to the living room. 

"Sit." I flopped onto the dark couch, leaning into its soft cushions. "Stay."

"What am I? Your fucking dog?" Brian laughed from the kitchen and Brock shook his head, smiling at my immature antics. They traded places, Brian migrated to the living room while Brock disappeared into the restocked kitchen. Brian took a seat next to me and buried his head into my shoulder, while wrapping me in a strong bear hug. He didn't let go, only held me in a strong, but gentle grip. It was in of these few moments that I actually felt safe and content during the last couple weeks. And it always seemed to revolve around Brian. 

"Can you come here a sec Bri?" The American asked while coming into the living room with a plate. On the plate was a sandwich, which he handed to me, and the two went to talk in private. I munched on my sandwich quietly, scrolling through Twitter. I read a tweet and almost choked on my meal. 

**CraigThompson @MiniLaddd**

* * *

****

@DaithiDeNogla I hope you start feeling better soon! Everyone go give Nogla some love, he's been feeling really depressed lately since his girlfriend cheated on him and could use the good vibes! 

* * *

My hand shook and tears threatened to fall down my face as messages flooded in on my phone. So many questions from so many people. 

' _I can't breathe'_

I can't get air into my lungs, I'm shaking uncontrollably, my vision blurs and pain shoots through the left side of my body.

I can hear voices and I feel arms wrapping around me and we begin rocking. Back and fourth, slowly, the voice tells me to breathe with him. 

"Take a deep breath in with me, okay? Great job David, now let it out slowly. Breathe with me again, in and out." As my breathing evens out, my vision becomes more clear. And I see Brian's blue eyes boring into mine. Tears were as prevalent on his face as they were mine. 

"Brine? W-what happened?" 

"I think you had a panic attack, it scared the shit out of me!" Brian cupped my face in his hands, making me look him in the eye. "Do you know what caused it Nogla?"

"Craig tweeted th-that people should give me some love because I-I was feeling down. But he mentioned how Jac-my ex girlfriend cheated on me and he said something about depression. He had no right to tell that to the world Brine! N-no right to spread my business. If I wanted to tell-" He cupped my face just a bit harder to close my mouth. 

"You are 100% right Nogla, he had no right in doing that. Fucking Craig bullshit." He mumbled the last words to himself and I couldn't agree with him more in this moment. 

"Why did you skip over her name though? You almost said her name but you stopped yourself, why?" Brock stood in the doorway, arms crossed. 

"My ex girlfriend's name? I don't know."

"I think you do know Daithi." 


End file.
